She isn't as strong as she may appear...

I can't tell you how it really is... all I can tell you is what it feels like and right now...

My heart hurts... It feels like someone is squeezing the life out of me.. I can't catch my breath...
I haven't spoken to him since Friday morning and not real sure when I'll see him or talk to him again.. He says Tuesday but that is such a busy day for him I'm sure it wont be till the night and by then it will have been 5 whole days without seeing his face or hearing his voice... Maybe I'm a baby.. but this has been both heartbreaking and so hard on me.. I carry my phone around and check it all day and for what?... he isnt calling or txting.. I need to just put it down... but what if??... :(

See, in my head I feel we are apart all the time... everyday... I miss him everyday already so this has just killed me.. and i wonder... Does he even miss me?... or is this just easy for him?..
I feel I have been and still am so understanding of him and am here for him whenever he needs me... What about me tho?.. I can't always be the strong one.. I need someone to catch me too..
I feel so alone right now..

All I want is for him to want me and miss me the way I want and miss him!!! I want him to WANT to be near me not want to take more time away from me when already we are apart for most of time.. I just want him to want me like I want him...

Does he know how much I love him? Does he know how painful this has been for me?
My heart literally aches...
Does he even miss me?.. I hate feeling like I'm the only one..
I just want to be with him and have him hold me in his arms and tell me its all been worth it... I want so bad to feel like I have someone... the way I have been the rock for him.. I'm trying so hard to stay strong and get through these days... but then what?.. are things going to be weird between us?.. we haven't spoken in 5 days.. but there is nothing I can do... all I can do is wait for him to want to talk to me and see me again...

She is beyond sad...