How I wish...

Last night...

Last night was AMAZING.. Talking, crying and laughing with my Ping.. It's exactly what I needed. I actually needed it more then he will ever know.. It means the world to me that he was there for me and knows exactly what to say and do to make me smile...

He is a really good Ping and I heart him..

I catch myself...

I catch myself looking at the Calendar every couple minutes.. I guess just hoping the it's closer to the day I get to go see my Ping... It's sad and kind of pathetic but I'm dying this time and feeling such a sense of urgency to get out there..

I want that feeling of being completely content back... There isn't a care in the world or nothing we couldn't get through.. That's how I feel when I am with him. Complete.
For the first time in my life I feel completely safe, content, happy, in-love more then i thought possible, and complete. I want to be in his arms and be that soft place for him to fall right now.

We have been through so much together already and still are and all I can do is hope and pray that we will make it through.. I know we can but sometimes I wonder what he thinks.. Just when I think we are finally getting over some obstacles.. We are right back in them.. Like tonight they are going to have another "talk"... I can't help but think what more is there to say?.. It only makes things worse and leaves him feeling in a bad mood and worse off then he felt before.. When is enough enough?.. I just hate to see him down and feeling like that..

I have been worrying about him all day and just want the day to hurry and pass so I can talk to him and see his face and find out how it went and if everything is okay..

Just checked my Calendar again... yup, it's still the same day.. :(
I can't get out of here quick enough...

I love this...

See this face..

See this face?...

It's a really SAD face...

She misses her Ping SOOOO bad!

I just wanna talk to him but most of all I just wanna BE with him...

Smell him... Hug him... Put my face in his..

I keep you here.. inside...

It's hard to breathe when we're apart...

You're that sunshine in my heart...

I keep you here inside...

You're everything to me...

All I have ever wanted... Is you..

Mess up my bed... with me...

Been up all night staring at you...
Wondering what's on your mind...
You want the sunrise to go back to bed...
I want to make you laugh...

Mess up my bed with me..
Kick off the covers I'm waiting...
Every word you say...
I think I should I write down...
Don't want to forget come daylight...

Happy to lay here...
Just happy to be here..
I'm happy to know you...

Please leave your taste on my tongue...
Paperweight on my back...
Cover me like a blanket...

Mess up my bed with me..
Kick off the covers I'm waiting...
Every word you say...
I think I should I write down...
Don't want to forget come daylight...

And no need to worry...
That's wasting time..
And no need to worry..
What's been on my mind...

It's you...

It's you...

I feel like...

I feel like crying today... I just don't know what to do anymore...

What can I do?...

What can I do?... What can I say to make everything okay?....
He is having such a hard time right now.... The inner battle within himself is taking over right now... and it scares me to death. All I can do is wait and be here when he needs me... but it kills me to feel so helpless.. I wish there was something I could say or do for him right now.. I hurt when he hurts, I'm sad when he is sad... My heart hurts with his heart...

I know I have said it a million times but I wish so bad I could press fast forward and get him through all of this.. I just want him to be happy so bad.. I want our lives to begin.. I want to show him what it feels like to be appreciated and adored and show him each and everyday...

I wish he wouldn't be so hard on himself... He is a great person and father and he will continue to be and be even better when he can finally breathe and be happy... I haven't even seen him be truly relaxed and happy yet and I hope with all my heart I get that chance... Cause just the little I have seen is amazing and I love him more then he knows... He makes me so happy and when we are together it's just amazing and so easy... I love him for the person he is... The crazy, goofy, lovable, hard-working, driven, creative, caring, sensitive, thoughtful, random, fun-loving, tender-hearted, strong, beautiful, sexy man that he is...

I just wanna take him in my arms and tell him everything is gonna be fine... We can and will get through this and anything else that life throws at us.. This may be your battle and I know you think you need to do it alone but I'm right here with you going through it too just in a different way...

I'm here for you always my ping...
Hoping and praying for your peace of mind...
I love you with all my heart...

When you got a good thing...

I just heard this song today and I wanted to dedicate it to you my ping...

Go listen to it... (When you got a good thing by Lady Antebellum)

Here are the lyrics (it's a guy and girl singing)

Everybody keeps telling me I'm such a lucky man...
Lookin at you standing there, I know I am..
Barefooted beauty with eyes that green... (I changed the color from blue to green) ;)
Sunshine sure looks good on you...
I swear..

Oh I can't believe I finally found you baby...
Happy ever after, after all this time..
Oh there's gonna be some ups and downs...
But with you to wrap my arms around..
I'm fine..

So baby hold on tight...
Don't let go..
Hold on to the love were making...
Cause when the ground starts shaking..
You gotta know when you've got a good thing...

You know you keep on bringing out the best in me...
And I need you now even more then the air I breathe..
You can make me laugh when I wanna cry...
This will last forever I just know... I know..

So baby hold on tight...
Don't let go..
Hold on to the love were making...
Cause when the ground starts shaking..
You gotta know when you've got a good thing..

We have a good thing my ping.. :)

I love this song and I love you...

Scared...

I feel like I'm losing everything in a way...
I left you alone during the days because I thought we had the nights and now you are taking those away... Can you see how that would make me sad?... It was something I relied on and looked forward too and it scares me to not have that to look forward to anymore...
Seeing you and talking to you is the highlight of my day and I want to be yours too...
Communication is all we have being so far away from each other... I don't wanna lose our closeness... I'm scared it's just going to be less and less now... I don't want that..

You used to need me and want me to help you make it through your days and while I realize it is a good thing you are strong enough to stand on your own two feet now.. its sad for me to see that you dont need me like you used to... Does that make sense?..

I hope this doesn't make you mad... I'm just telling you my fears and how I feel...
Bottom line... I miss you every second of everyday... I LOVE you and therefore I LOVE to be around you and spend time with you...

I will try my hardest to be understanding... but I hope that you will see how much I do miss you and I hope that we will still have some nights where we can spend some time and I hope with all my heart that there will be some nights where you will want to sleep by me again...
I will always be here to love and support you...
I love you and miss you with all my heart...

He has a way with me...

He has a way with me...
I can be feeling sad and with just a few words he has me right back up...
I have never been more understanding with a man as I am with him...and it just comes so naturally..
His words and his sincerity... I can feel deep in my soul..
I know his heart and I know what a great person he is and tries to be on a daily basis...
He is a special one...
Our bond and connection runs deep...
and I love him more then he proly knows...
I want to make him my everything...show him and remind him each day how much he means to me...
and I want to be his...

He has a way with me...

Stupid girl...

I lay here tonight sad...
I feel as though I have been very patient and understanding this week while he has had his kids and been busy... We have hardly got to talk to each other this week and this weekend even less...
So what do I do?...
I assume that today he is finally alone and that he would wanna see me and talk to me cause he has missed me just as much as I have missed him.... Right?...

Wrong... :(

I'm sad....I thought for sure he would wanna spend time with me...