The way I do...

Your kiss, your smile, your mind....
You're sunlight in my eyes..
I miss your breath on my neck...
When we whisper in the night..

Didn't want to want you...
Didn't want to need you so bad..
Didn't want to wake up...
And find that I was falling so fast..
Didn't wanna need you..
Didn't wanna need anyone...

Now look what you've done....

Now I can't go on without you..
I'm naked, I can't fake it...
I'm not that strong without you...
Never thought I could LOVE you the way I do...

Your touch, your skin, can't believe the way you let me in...
Don't rush tonight, I need you like the ocean needs the tide...

I always thought I would stand on my own...
Climb a mountain top all alone..
Relying, depending on no one...
Now look what you've done...

Never thought I could need you...
Never thought I could want you...
Never thought I could LOVE YOU....

THE WAY I DO.... ♥

When someone knows...

♥

Its sweet when SOMEONE knows every single detail about you.... Not because you constantly tell them.... but because they pay ATTENTION....

♥

Does he know?...

Does he know how hard I try to be strong?...
Does he know how much I miss him in a day?...
Does he know how much I worry about him?...

Does he know how much I love him?...

Tonight I'm feeling.... well.... So many things I can't even think straight! My cheeks are all flushed but I'm freezing cold! I feel so unsure... I hope he knows in a normal situation I wouldn't be like this! I wouldn't worry all the time and I would know my place... I'm very secure in who I am and what I have to offer! I hope he sees that! I hope he recognizes that...

Does he know how bad I want to tell him I miss him during the day?...
Does he know I look at my phone all day and then put it away?.... Trying to give him space or who knows...
Does he know how bad my heart races on Tuesdays and Thursdays?... and it feels like FOREVER until he contacts me?...
Does he know I have an inner battle with myself each day wondering where I stand and what I can and can't do?....
Does he know that I hate myself for being an emotional wreck at times!?...
Does he know how mad I get at myself for showing weakness?...

I want him to miss me and want to talk to me.... Not feel like I'm the only one missing him and wanting to talk to him...

Does he know how bad I want to be in his arms?....
Does he know how bad I want to feel his touch?...
Does he know how bad I want to kiss his lips?....
Does he know how bad I want to make love to him?.... (sorry, had to add this! It's the truth) ;)
Does he know how bad I want to be where he is?...
Does he know bad I want to see his face?... (in person)

Does he know how much I WISH I could take away his pain?...
Does he know how much I want him to be happy?....
Does he know how bad I want to make him happy?...


I hope he knows how hard I try and keep it together... Cause I really do try so hard!

Does he know how much I love him?....

I hope he does....

Favorite things...

Just a few of my favorite things about him....

1. I love his heart...

2. I love when he sings to me... ;) (him so cute)

3. I love the way he smiles when he first sees me.... (makes me feel all special and junk)

4. I love his sexy face... (the face he makes when he is concentrating) hee hee...

5. I love his cooking skills... (Hims a beast in the kitchen)

6. I love the way he makes me feel... (like I have never felt)

7. ooh I LOVE his shoulder actually his whole sexy, manly body!! .... hee hee *blush*

8. I love his mind... (hims such a smarty pants)

9. I Love his sense of humor... (he makes me laugh all the time) I love his laugh...

10. I love everything about him.... ;)

CRaZy girl & a sweet letter from Him...

Okay, I am a crazy emotional girl for my last post.... Look what my "Him"wrote to me yesterday... I didn't even see it! I know how crazy things are right now and the last thing I wanna do is be another burden to him...I know he is busy and I need to not jump to conclusions... I guess I just love him so much and my fear definitely got the best of me... I promise to be more patient and understanding from here on out.... I'm sorry for having a moment of weakness (a girl moment) I hope he won't hold this against me and I hope he doesn't think I'm crazy... I just miss him and that is soooo for real.... I feel horrible now...

~From Him~

I love everything about you. I love Your caring heart and your gentle touch. I love the way you make me laugh and cheer me up when I am down. You are an angel sent from God. Please be patient with us. Time will show us our fate.

He loves me...He loves me not...

He loves me.... He loves me not....
This is how I have been feeling lately...
I feel him getting more distant by the day and I don't know what to do or how to feel...
Am I imagining it or is it really happening?..
We used to talk for hours and he would contact me some during the day... now its nothing til almost midnight... :(
I don't wanna be a crazy girl so I try so hard not to contact him or say anything... but I miss him and I miss feeling close with him...
He used to need me... he used to WANT to talk to me...
Now I'm not so sure....
I'm hoping this is all a misunderstanding and that we will have some "us" time soon...
I really, really hope so...

He loves me....
He loves me not....

I hope he still loves me... I hope he still needs me... I hope he still wants me...

I wish...

Over 6 billion souls in the world, but you're the only one I want....

♥

Just Believe...

Sometimes I'm at a loss for words... The right words to say to him. I feel so helpless when I can clearly see the pain in his face and know the pain in his heart. I wish I could tell him something that would magically make him feel better. I wish I could tell him that everything will be okay... While I believe everything WILL be okay... he has to jump blindly and wait and see for himself.. I know it is scary... and not easy to do. It's almost like when you have lived your life a certain way for so long... It's like you just continue that way because of the comfort level.. It's all you know... But when you finally step out and see all the possibilities and what you could have...It doesn't seem so scary anymore.. I'm proof of that. I was scared out of my mind to be alone and thought the world was over but my eyes have been opened to so many new and wonderful things.. I found myself and learned to love who I am.. I'm stronger and can do things I never thought I could.. and I realized that there is love out there like I have always dreamed of and I'm not going to settle for anything less.. True happiness... It does exist.. You just have to believe...

i♥y boo

You are my sunshine...

You are my ping ping...

My only ping ping...

You make me HAPPY....

When skies are Grey..

You'll NEVER know ping....

How much I truly LOVE YOU!!!....

PLEASE DON'T TAKE MY PING PING AWAY!!!!!!!!!




Aws... Can we hug about this one!?... ;)

Love always,
Her

Rainy Days...

All I hear is raindrops falling on my rooftop and all I want is to be snoodled up to him...
I would give anything to be able to feel his arms around me, lay my head on his shoulder and gently kiss his lips...

Missing him so much...

I wonder if I ever cross your mind...

Tonight I'm feeling as though I have been forgotten... Not thought about at all..
My heart is aching... Trying to figure out where he might be and if he is okay.... I just wish he would answer me and say something even if he doesn't want to talk to me.. Anything is better then this silence...It feels like we are talking less and less each day and I don't know if it's on purpose...

I hate feeling as though I don't matter...
Maybe he is sick of me...
I sure hope not...
I wish he missed me like I miss him...

Questions...

How are you?...
What's wrong?..
Are you okay?....
Are you sure?...

These are the questions I ask him at least 5 times a day... It's just I never know where he is at in his head... Is he thinking too much? Is he upset? Did something happen? Did his feelings change about me? Even as I write these words I'm waiting for a reply from him to see if he is okay...

Some days he has a clear mind and knows what it is he needs to do... and others well... He is all over the place and questioning everything he is doing..
He is under SO much stress these days and sometimes it hard to watch.. I wish I could take it all away and fast forward him into the future when things have settled down..But I can't..He is the only one that can make this decision and I know it weighs heavy on his soul...
He has such a beautiful heart.. Its one of the many reasons I love him.. but while thinking and worrying about everyone else he has forgotten about himself...

Just wanting him to realize he is important and he does deserve to be happy and at peace...

Hoping it has been at least an okay day for him...
Cross your fingers for us...

I miss everything about him...

Love this song... It has been on repeat these days.. :)


I miss his brown eyes...
How he kissed me at night...
I miss the way we sleep..
Like there's no sunrise...
Like the taste of your smile...
I miss the way we breathe..

but I never told you...
What I should have said..
I just held it in..
I miss everything about you...
After all the things we've been through..
I miss everything about you....

I see your brown eyes every time I close mine...
You make it hard to see...
Where I belong to when I'm not around you...
It's like I'm not with me...

I miss everything about you....


"I never told you" By: Colbie Caillat

Fear...

Fear of the unknown...
Fear of losing him...Although He isn't even mine...
Fear of never being able to LOVE as much as I know I'm capable of... I want that chance..
Fear of never being LOVED the way I know I deserve to be loved...The way I know only he can love me...
Fear of waking up in the morning and him not being there...

One could go CRAZY thinking this way... And I suppose I have done just that... (a little)...
Our story is beautiful I think... maybe not your ideal love story (we have some things that make things a bit hard sometimes) but who doesn't? It's ours and it means everything to me...

I never expected this to happen nor did I expect to fall SO fast, comfortably and completely..
He came into my life at a time when I had all but given up on love or the possiblity of ever finding "the one"
It's only been 4 short months but I have known him most of my life.. and in these 4 short months we have already had memories to last a lifetime.. Like the first time we "skyped" and how the coversations lasted well into the mornings but we couldn't say goodbye...So now we sleep with our computers on.. (totally nerds!, we know!) It's comforting knowing he is with me even if only on a screen... The first time I went out to see him...I had butterflies walking through the airport wondering and looking around for him not knowing he was there all along watching me.. Our first embrace.. I felt his breath on my neck.. the way he smelled.. I closed my eyes and breathed it all in as if trying to imprint that moment in my mind forever.. The way his strong body, gently held me in bed.... The way I felt laying on "my/his shoulder" is a feeling I have never felt and one I hope I will feel for the rest of my life... We just wanted to look at each other.. not really believing we were actually there together.. He would poke me and say "She's real!" The way we laugh at most everything and how just thinking of him puts a smile on my face.. The time we went to "our place" and walked around hand in hand just taking in the beauty of our surroundings and each other.. having visions of what "our" life might be like together... fantasizing about when we are old and grey sitting in our rocking chairs with all our kids running around... I smile as I write those words...I got butterflies as he sat down next to me on the bed and not just your average butterflies.. I'm talking my stomach did a flip.. Everything about that trip was magical.. The hours before I had to head back home sitting in his car as he poured his heart out to me and told me his deepest secrets... Oh the talks we have... I feel so complete around him and I can finally be myself.. My crazy self and he loves it! Can you imagine? I have only dreamed of finding someone I can really be myself with! I know at times he is scared and worried that this happened way too fast.. I understand all that especially given his situation... I don't think either of us expected it to happen this way it just did! and that's the part I think is beautiful... it just happened.. everything about us fit together just so... So I guess that is where my fear comes in.. I never want to lose the feeling I have when I'm with him.. I want to create new memories.. I want a new life.. One filled with love and happiness! I know only time will tell.. and I do believe we can get through anything life throws at us.. we already have been through so much together...
I know he is feeling like he is hurting me and bringing me down but I want him to know I'm fine and it's just my fears of losing him that gets me down sometimes..
So I'm trying to let go of my fear and my what if's... and let life take it's course and see where it takes us and be ready with open arms if my dreams decide to become my reality...

One day at time...

A girl can hope and dream and I'm going to do just that...