Working on myself for the New Year...

Distance is hard... and it makes small little issues seem a lot larger then they really are.  I have come to notice that and I seemed to have made the simple fact that I miss him so much into a huge mess the past couple days and for that I will forever be sorry... With it being New Years Eve and all...I have decided to make a list of things I want to work on that will hopefully help me and my relationship that I cherish so much...

I want to believe in myself... know my worth and realize I AM WORTH IT!
I want to be more patient...
I want to be more understanding...
I want to really think before I react...
I want to not jump to conclusions... don't assume the worst..

I could go on and on but these are the main things I hope to work on... I want to be the best me I can be so I can be the best Baba I can be for my Ping...

Wishing i could kiss you at midnight tonight and look into your eyes and tell you how sorry i am and how lucky I feel to be a part of your life...
Happy New Year!
All my Love...

I choose you...

This song is on repeat everyday... It fits us to a T..

Dying to see your face again...

As I mentioned in my last post..  The Holidays can be especially hard without the one you love.. But do you know what makes them even harder?... Not being able to talk/text/skype with him like you normally do..  i am having such a hard time right now with this. I'm feeling so alone and lonely... Like a piece of me is missing...

You see his family has been in town since before Christmas and that means I can't see/talk/text him like I usually do.. and while I understand that he is entertaining them I can't help but feel sad.. He is my best friend I share everything with and not being able to share our days and talk about stuff is really taking a toll on me.. I know he doesn't mean to not contact me but it still makes me sad... Being so far apart this is all we have and without I get so down..  I miss everything.. Seeing his face everyday, laughing with him... I'm just over here not even knowing what he is doing day to day and the unknown is not a fun place to be.  I want to feel involved even just a little... Also with the family in town that means spending more time over at her house... I can't even begin to describe how that feels and what it does to me knowing they are all over there. I'm trying so hard to be strong but it's wearing on me pretty bad.. I'm so sad! I miss him horribly... My anxiety is at an all time high...  i want my ping back..  The family doesn't leave til Friday and then Friday is his weekend with his kids... So it isn't looking too good for me any time soon. I hope I will be able to make it through this week.. 
I can't wait for the day when I can just be with him and that things like this won't interrupt OUR everyday life..  and I will be able to be involved and included.. He is my number 1 and I'm here for him day in and day out 24/7 whenever, wherever... and I'm happy to be.. I love him with all my heart..  I just can't wait for the day when he CAN be there like that for me too... Like I always say... We have to get through this to be able to get there...

Sad and lonely, missing you so much it hurts, dying to see your face again...
~B

Merry Christmas...

 My new camera and season 1&2 of Fringe...

The card was even better...

 One of the gifts I sent Ping...

Christmas time is my FAVORITE time of year... The lights, the snow, wrapping gifts, being with loved ones..  and it's that last part that made this Christmas a difficult one for me.. 

Being SO far away from the person you LOVE the most this time of year is brutal...  There are so many things I wanted to do with him..  I wanted to bring him to my Aunt Sue's Christmas party..  Everyone would have loved him especially knowing he is the reason for my smile these days...  He is the reason they are getting their happy girl back... I wanted to drive around at night with him looking at Christmas lights, I wanted to sit in front of the fireplace and Christmas tree with him holding me..  I envisioned that moment over and over in my head many times as I sat there alone.. I wanted to watch movies in bed on Christmas Eve laughing and talking about the future and all the things we want to do... I wanted to fall asleep in his arms and whisper Merry Christmas, my Ping... Baba sure loves you as he drifted off to sleep...  I wanted to wake up and exchange gifts with each other and make breakfast together... I could go on and on... 

It is so hard being apart.. I miss him every second of everyday... 

We mailed each other gifts and watched each other open them over skype... I got him a Black watch, a shirt, an ipad stand and charge two things at once thing.  He out did me and got me the nicest camera I have ever owned and season 1&2 of Fringe. The show he introduced me to and I'm now obsessed with it. I have really never been spoiled like that .. It was so nice.. His card meant everything to me.. He knows just what I need to hear or want to hear.  He also promised me a love letter... I'm still waiting, Ping! 

Merry Christmas...

Hope next year I will be spending Christmas with the person I love the most... Ping..

B&P's First Tree...

 B & P Always! :)

 Nice view! ;)

I got back a week ago from visiting my Ping... We put up our first little tree together.  I went out and tried to get one but they were sold out and only this little pre-decorated one was left.. Ping asked is it girlie?.  lol! It might be but I added his Broncos ornaments and our B&P  (baba & ping) and it looks great! It was so nice to just snuggle in bed and enjoy our time together. I want nothing more then to be able to spend the holidays together and cannot wait til we are able too! We went to the Mall of Georgia and went to eat and see a movie..  We think so much alike and said the same thing as we walked down this grand staircase at the mall.  I feel so lucky to have my Ping in my life. He completes me in a way I never thought possible only dreamed about...  he is so good to me..  :) I wish I was snuggled up to him now.... I fall asleep so fast in is arms and I feel so content..  I even love that when he plays his Call of Duty he lets me snuggle him and plays while holding me... He even kisses me every time he dies! ;) He might kill me for writing that. but he is the best Ping in the whole world and makes me feel special more then I ever have!   It makes me smile as I write this! Wishing I was back there already!