Isn't it amazing?...

I had I guess you could say an Ah-ha moment yesterday.. Isn't it amazing when you notice growth in yourself?..

Yesterday I was at peace with myself and within my relationship.. I was perfectly fine waiting to hear from him and didn't feel the urgency or crazy need to see his face. Not that I don't want to but that need was gone.. I believe its what he has been trying to tell me all along.. I feel like my love for him has grown and we bonded on a level we haven't for some time now, last night... It felt so good..  I'm more in love with him today then I was yesterday.. I'm more comfortable in my own skin and I'm gaining the confidence in not only myself, but in him and us.. Realizing what we have is REAL and strong.. We have been each other's back bone through everything... He means so much to me.. Everything he does even if it's annoying or weird is SO cute to me.. and that's how I know.. I want to take care of him and be there for him and never let anyone hurt him.. and that's how I know...
4 more sleeps til I get to be tangled up with him and i can't wait!!
Love him more then he knows..

7 More days...

7 more days...

7 more days until I see his face..

7 more days until I get to kiss his lips..

7 more days until I get to lay in his arms..

7 more days...

I can't wait..

It's so cold without you...

Damn, I want my baby back

It's so cold without him..

He's gone now, I'm alone..

No one to hold

No one to talk to

If you ever see him

If you ever meet him

Let him know it's so cold

It's so cold without him

And tell him I miss him

Tell him I need him

Tell him I want him

I really want him

to come back

to me

I try so hard...

I don't know what else to do... so I'll write.. I have to get these feelings out somehow.. I know he thinks I'm an insecure person..it's not that I just miss him! Talking to him is the highlight of my day.. I miss him everyday and when we aren't together talking is all we have.. I'm not trying to be needy, or take up all his time..
I feel I'm a good person. I feel I have a lot to offer...  I'm fun, exciting, loud, funny, caring, loving, understanding, I genuinely care what others are feeling and try and help, I put others first, I'm thoughtful, I always try and think of ways I can surprise him or what I can do to help him in any way I can, I'm creative, I'm honest, I'm loyal, I will be there til the end for the people I care most about.. I think I am and will be an amazing partner/wife one day..  I hope he sees and recognizes these same qualities in me too.. I hope he sees how hard I try and how patient I have been through this whole process, I have been there with open arms when he needs me and I have been there with open arms even when he doesn't need me.. I try to put his needs and wants before my own.. I try so hard everyday! I hope I have shown him who i am and I hope my good qualities out weigh my bad...

Does he know how much I miss him? I feel like we are apart everyday of our lives We are apart everyday of our lives.. so more time away is soooooo hard on me! We are apart everyday! I don't want more time away from him.. I already have it everyday! I want to share my life with him and experience new things with him and tell him things.. I want to share my life with him.... and I want him to feel the same way. I want to feel like I'm missed and that how I feel matters and that he will understand that I'm not coming from a place of being mean or demanding or trying to put you down or anything...I think your amazing!  It's truly out of love and my desire to be with you and how much I miss you that gets me down..
More then anything I want to feel like I'm missed..
I understand more then he thinks about his desire for time away from me.. I get it.. He is and has gone through one of the hardest times in his life.. He is amazingly strong with how well he has dealt with it. I admire everything about him.. Does he see that? does he know? He always tells me be patient, be understanding.. I am, I do! but I guess all I can do is try harder and do better to be all that he needs and wants...  He asked me if I understand that this is scary for him.. Of course I realize that! Does he realize how scary this is for me too?  I'm scared too! but I feel like what we have is one of kind and so special, so rare, so real and so exciting that I try not to focus on that fear.. I love him more then I have ever loved anyone and I choose to show him and tell and make him feel loved for as long as he will let me.. All I want is for him to happy and I hope I make him happy.... I want him to feel special and know how much I care.. and I want to feel that way in return.. All I have ever wanted is to be loved and adored and missed and cared for.. It doesn't take a whole lot to make me happy.. I feel I'm pretty easy to please.. The little things mean the very most to me... .. I'm not asking for ALL his time or anything else.. I hope he knows that! Now I'm just rambling so I'll stop.. bottom line.. I love him so much! I miss him so much! and I will try harder to give him more space and time and be more understanding and patient..  and I will be here like I always am with open arms when he feels like he wants to see me and talk to me again.. I hope with all my heart that one day I will get everything right and he won't want to take these breaks from me...

Feeling down...

Im missing him so much these days.. I try so hard to get through my days and stay positive but it's so hard..  I miss him in everything I do. I want to share everything with him! It's extremely hard for me to go from being with him every night and day to only speaking with him at night.. if that!  I don't think him or anyone really knows just how sad I truly am. I feel so empty and alone..
He wanted some "him time" yesterday which I gave him and we didn't talk last night like usual or on skype. Those nights are always rough on me and I have yet to hear from him tonight... I mean I understand he wants time alone, I guess it's just hard because there isn't ever a time when i want time alone or away from him..  Especially given our current situation..  We don't talk or see each other all day and I look forward to and cherish our nights..  Why is it that men don't miss us like we miss them? I try so hard to not bother him/call/txt/nothing... but there are times when it really gets to me.. and I get so down.. It's been too long since I felt his arms around me or kissed his lips and right now all I wanna do is see his face and talk with him and have him WANT to see my face and want to talk to me...

so sad... missing him so much!!!!!!!!!!


  

It's now 4 am which means it's 6am his time.. I'm bawling and shivering so bad I can barely type.. I never heard from him tonight and it's so unlike him that I'm so scared as to what this may mean.. I never expected this at all and I don't know how I'm supposed to take this... What is going on..  Where is he? why didn't he want to talk to me tonight? why isn't he answering now? why is his phone turned off? I"m just a mess... sobbing...  did i do something? I just wish i knew why!

I've got a picture of you in my heart...

I've got a picture of you in my heart and a vision of you in my arms and I can't deny what's going on in my soul...

I love you more, more then the air I breathe...