Family Vaction Fun..

 We made it! San Diego airport...

 All our kiddo's..

 Don't they look thrilled?..

 Oldest to youngest headed out to the beach...

 Picture perfect... :)

 Palm Springs swimming...

 Aren't they so cute?..

 Aren't we so cute?...

 Walking into Lego land...

 Chewy!! lol...

 3D movie..

 The babies..

 Paradise... so pretty..

 My honey is so funny..

 Hiding from the kids!.. lol..

 They found us!... :)

 We are so funny... :)

Heading to the airport...

Picture overload... I still have so many.. We had so fun on our family trip to San Diego and Palm Springs. The kids all met for the first time and they all got along pretty well. We also handled 6 kids like champs! :) We got this! ;) We went to the beach, swam everyday, Knott's Soak city and Legoland. It was so nice to see how we all worked together and I have to say my Ping is the man. He is so calm and nothing ruffles his feathers.. He handles stress so well and helps out in every way! I couldn't be more grateful.  It was hard to grab a moment alone but it was such a good experience and so cute to see our babies together! My love for him grows with each day.. More memories to add to our book.. :)

so sad..

I can't eat.. I can't sleep... I HATE HATE HATE these damn breaks! I do not understand why we can't talk at least once a day even if only for a min... It makes me feel so bad.. i can't even explain how bad.. Don't you want to hear my voice and see how I'm doing?...  It hurts so bad to not have you here.. to have no one to talk to... we are apart everyday of our lives already! I don't want more space! I want to be with you... and if i can't be with you then i would at least like to talk to you.. i understand your busy and i have been so understanding and letting you go and hardly taking up any of your time lately... i just wish you would give me a min or two.. i go through this every time and I don't know when you will talk to me again... i get quiet, then sad, then mad, then back to sad.. I'm so frustrated right now... when will you not want to take these breaks from me anymore?..

1+1...

If I aint got nothing, I got you
If I aint got something I don't give a damn, cause I got it with you
I don't know much about algebra, but I know one plus one equals two
And it's me and you, thats all we'll have when the world is thru

Cause baby we aint got nothing without love
Darling you got enough for the both of us
So come on baby, make love to me

When my days look low, pull me in close and don't let me go.
Make love to me. So that when the worlds at war, that our love heal us all
Right now baby make love to me...me...me...mee...mee. ooh ooh make love to me.

Hey! I don't know much about guns but I...I've been shot by you
Hey! And I don't know when I'm gon die, but I hope that I'm gon die by you
Hey! And I don't know much about fighting, but I, I know I will fight for you
Hey! Just when I ball up my fist I realize that I'm laying right next to you

Baby we aint nothing but love, and darling you got enough for the both of us
Make love to me...when my days look low, pull me in close and don't let me go.
Make love to me...so that when the worlds at war, that our love heal us all
Help me let down my guard, make love to me...me..me....me..meee ooh ooh ooh make love to me...me...me...mee...mee.

Fun with B&P...

Us at Aiden's Graduation...

Us at Bryce Canyon...

  Bryce Canyon...

 My dad and Ping at Bryce Canyon...

 In the car...

 Us in our hotel in Escalante..

 My Handsome Ping at Breakfast...

 At the Mall...

B&P... :)

Ping came out in May and we had so much fun and fit so much into his little visit.. We had Aiden's Graduation and we went down to Escalante with my family and had quite the experience down there.. visiting Bryce Canyon and hanging out with everyone.. Then we came home and he visited his family and friends.. We then had a day all to ourselves and we went to breakfast and the Gateway mall and went to a movie and shopping and he bought me a Macbook Air!! Am I spoiled or what??... He is so good to me!!  Sometimes I feel like I'm dreaming! Our time always goes way to fast and I miss him so much it hurts! I leave in six more sleeps to go visit him and I'm counting the seconds til I'm back in his arms!!  Love that man more then anything!!!  :))

Such a lucky girl I am... :)

 Pool time...

 My new Beats...

 White iphone4 and Beats...

 He spoils me!! Lucky Girl.. :)

 Us..

 lol...

 She loves him...

 She loves him so much...

Sadface on the plane ride home...

I went out to see my Ping and it was wonderful as always.. I went swimming and he spoiled me rotten! I felt like a Queen! I got the new white iPhone 4, beats, perfume, a Juicy Sweatsuit and sunglasses. He is seriously the best and makes me feel so special.. It's not even about the stuff but I have never been spoiled quite like this and guess what.. It feels amazing! :) My favorite time is night time when we are snuggled up in bed watching tv..  I love to just look at him and I never want those moments to end.. He truly makes me happy and I can't get enough! We have so much fun doing everything.. Leaving him is one of the hardest things.. I cry the whole day before I leave.. It's so sad.. I miss his face every second of everyday! Thank you for a wonderful time and for everything and for just being you! Love you my Ping!

Isn't it amazing?...

I had I guess you could say an Ah-ha moment yesterday.. Isn't it amazing when you notice growth in yourself?..

Yesterday I was at peace with myself and within my relationship.. I was perfectly fine waiting to hear from him and didn't feel the urgency or crazy need to see his face. Not that I don't want to but that need was gone.. I believe its what he has been trying to tell me all along.. I feel like my love for him has grown and we bonded on a level we haven't for some time now, last night... It felt so good..  I'm more in love with him today then I was yesterday.. I'm more comfortable in my own skin and I'm gaining the confidence in not only myself, but in him and us.. Realizing what we have is REAL and strong.. We have been each other's back bone through everything... He means so much to me.. Everything he does even if it's annoying or weird is SO cute to me.. and that's how I know.. I want to take care of him and be there for him and never let anyone hurt him.. and that's how I know...
4 more sleeps til I get to be tangled up with him and i can't wait!!
Love him more then he knows..

7 More days...

7 more days...

7 more days until I see his face..

7 more days until I get to kiss his lips..

7 more days until I get to lay in his arms..

7 more days...

I can't wait..

It's so cold without you...

Damn, I want my baby back

It's so cold without him..

He's gone now, I'm alone..

No one to hold

No one to talk to

If you ever see him

If you ever meet him

Let him know it's so cold

It's so cold without him

And tell him I miss him

Tell him I need him

Tell him I want him

I really want him

to come back

to me

I try so hard...

I don't know what else to do... so I'll write.. I have to get these feelings out somehow.. I know he thinks I'm an insecure person..it's not that I just miss him! Talking to him is the highlight of my day.. I miss him everyday and when we aren't together talking is all we have.. I'm not trying to be needy, or take up all his time..
I feel I'm a good person. I feel I have a lot to offer...  I'm fun, exciting, loud, funny, caring, loving, understanding, I genuinely care what others are feeling and try and help, I put others first, I'm thoughtful, I always try and think of ways I can surprise him or what I can do to help him in any way I can, I'm creative, I'm honest, I'm loyal, I will be there til the end for the people I care most about.. I think I am and will be an amazing partner/wife one day..  I hope he sees and recognizes these same qualities in me too.. I hope he sees how hard I try and how patient I have been through this whole process, I have been there with open arms when he needs me and I have been there with open arms even when he doesn't need me.. I try to put his needs and wants before my own.. I try so hard everyday! I hope I have shown him who i am and I hope my good qualities out weigh my bad...

Does he know how much I miss him? I feel like we are apart everyday of our lives We are apart everyday of our lives.. so more time away is soooooo hard on me! We are apart everyday! I don't want more time away from him.. I already have it everyday! I want to share my life with him and experience new things with him and tell him things.. I want to share my life with him.... and I want him to feel the same way. I want to feel like I'm missed and that how I feel matters and that he will understand that I'm not coming from a place of being mean or demanding or trying to put you down or anything...I think your amazing!  It's truly out of love and my desire to be with you and how much I miss you that gets me down..
More then anything I want to feel like I'm missed..
I understand more then he thinks about his desire for time away from me.. I get it.. He is and has gone through one of the hardest times in his life.. He is amazingly strong with how well he has dealt with it. I admire everything about him.. Does he see that? does he know? He always tells me be patient, be understanding.. I am, I do! but I guess all I can do is try harder and do better to be all that he needs and wants...  He asked me if I understand that this is scary for him.. Of course I realize that! Does he realize how scary this is for me too?  I'm scared too! but I feel like what we have is one of kind and so special, so rare, so real and so exciting that I try not to focus on that fear.. I love him more then I have ever loved anyone and I choose to show him and tell and make him feel loved for as long as he will let me.. All I want is for him to happy and I hope I make him happy.... I want him to feel special and know how much I care.. and I want to feel that way in return.. All I have ever wanted is to be loved and adored and missed and cared for.. It doesn't take a whole lot to make me happy.. I feel I'm pretty easy to please.. The little things mean the very most to me... .. I'm not asking for ALL his time or anything else.. I hope he knows that! Now I'm just rambling so I'll stop.. bottom line.. I love him so much! I miss him so much! and I will try harder to give him more space and time and be more understanding and patient..  and I will be here like I always am with open arms when he feels like he wants to see me and talk to me again.. I hope with all my heart that one day I will get everything right and he won't want to take these breaks from me...

Feeling down...

Im missing him so much these days.. I try so hard to get through my days and stay positive but it's so hard..  I miss him in everything I do. I want to share everything with him! It's extremely hard for me to go from being with him every night and day to only speaking with him at night.. if that!  I don't think him or anyone really knows just how sad I truly am. I feel so empty and alone..
He wanted some "him time" yesterday which I gave him and we didn't talk last night like usual or on skype. Those nights are always rough on me and I have yet to hear from him tonight... I mean I understand he wants time alone, I guess it's just hard because there isn't ever a time when i want time alone or away from him..  Especially given our current situation..  We don't talk or see each other all day and I look forward to and cherish our nights..  Why is it that men don't miss us like we miss them? I try so hard to not bother him/call/txt/nothing... but there are times when it really gets to me.. and I get so down.. It's been too long since I felt his arms around me or kissed his lips and right now all I wanna do is see his face and talk with him and have him WANT to see my face and want to talk to me...

so sad... missing him so much!!!!!!!!!!


  

It's now 4 am which means it's 6am his time.. I'm bawling and shivering so bad I can barely type.. I never heard from him tonight and it's so unlike him that I'm so scared as to what this may mean.. I never expected this at all and I don't know how I'm supposed to take this... What is going on..  Where is he? why didn't he want to talk to me tonight? why isn't he answering now? why is his phone turned off? I"m just a mess... sobbing...  did i do something? I just wish i knew why!

I've got a picture of you in my heart...

I've got a picture of you in my heart and a vision of you in my arms and I can't deny what's going on in my soul...

I love you more, more then the air I breathe...

Everything I am, I am for you...

If we live forever...
Time would never change how we love...
No river could run between us...
You're never alone, I'm yours til I'm gone...
The beat of my heart is for you...
This page is the beginning..
Our book is never ending...
I just want to love you..
with every beat of my heart...
Words can't explain how I feel..
This is more than love...
Everything I am, I am for you...

Lost without you..

 My favorite place to be.. :)

 The full moon...

Aw... We made a shake and had to taste it old school style...We are cute like that.. ;)

This last trip out to see my honey was Amazing as always... I stayed 11 whole days and we had so much fun.. I loved helping him hang up pictures and clean and organize and do laundry.. it makes me feel so good to do these things for him.. I stress out being so far away from him and not being able to do these things for him on a regular basis..  I'm old school that way.. :) I'm a nurturer.. Love taking care of my Ping in any way I can..  We went out to eat and snoodled (I have this new snoodle where I'm all up on him and even wrap my arm up around his head and hold the back of his head) He loves it!!  NOT! hee hee... but he lets me do it for a min.. :) and watched movies.. Its so amazing how our relationship has evolved over time..  we laughed about "how we used to be" and how we are now so comfortable and at ease with who and how we are..  He is truly my best friend, the one I share everything with.. I feel so at ease with him and for the first time ever I feel complete.. So content.. and that is what makes leaving so hard! I never want that feeling to end.. The feeling I have when I come back home is just so lost and empty..  I feel like a stranger in my own house..  He is my home.. my heart is with him so without him I feel so sad and lost..  I cried the night before I left, I cried as he got ready for work, I cried as I cleaned the house for the last time, I cried as I left little love notes around his house for him to find, and I cried all the way to the airport.. I'm tearing up writing this now..  I'm such a baby I know..  I just love him so much..  I went to the grocery store a couple days after I got home and I just kept picturing me and my routine in Georgia.. Picturing the store there and wishing I was back there..  Anyways, I'm trying to get back into the swing of things here but have such a longing to get back there.. I miss him all day, everyday... and especially at nights.. :(

B&P...

B&P=♥

My Angel

All the things Ive done before this
They dont mean a thing
And all the words spoken before this
Wont be said again
Suddenly so much of me has
No need 2 pretend
Cause theres nothin like the truth
To bring her back to u
And everyone Ive met before this
Aint seen me with u

Angel My Angel Angel
Angel My Angel Angel

Youre the only one who knows what I go through
Sometime u feel it even more than me
And I dont know how I ever got by without u
Theres nothing like the truth
And Ive got nothin left 2 lose
And every night I thank the universe that I found u

Angel My Angel Angels
Angel My Angel Angels

And I dont have 2 wonder
What the world thinks about me
I know youre in my corner
Youre always surrounding me
With your love

And if we all explode
See we would never know
But I just hope the pieces of my soul
Reach out 2 u 2 find my angel

My Angels My Angels
Angels My Angels
My Angels

(I heard this song today and it made me cry..)
This is for you my Ping..
Love you

All the colors fade when you're gone...

Will you be mine?...

These flowers made it packed in his suitcase on the plane... :)

The only thing I wanted! A LOVE letter... (He did good! It made me cry) :)

Loves... :)

I couldn't have asked for a better Valentines day then the one I had this year...  I got to see his face and be surrounded by his love and in his arms...  There is nothing I wanted more.. I even got a Love letter from him that was so sweet and so us..  His words mean everything to me and I have read it everyday since he left..
This trip was a different one in the fact that we had my kids and went to work and actually lived a "normal everyday life" It was nice.. We got to see each other in a different light and I loved every min. He was so sweet with my kids.. Playing with them, getting on their level and he even snuggled them in bed with me while we watched tv..  All that was missing was his kids..  I hope to one day have the chance to be around his kids like that.. 
There was a moment on his last night here where he was working in the kitchen at the table and I was cleaning and doing laundry, kids playing upstairs..  and the feeling that came over me was so peaceful and so content and so incredibly happy! I have longed for that feeling for SOOO long and I can't tell you how good it felt..  He was listening to music while he worked and at one point when I walked back he grabbed me and starting dancing with me... it was so romantical and so special...We laughed and kissed and then went right back to work... It is a moment I will never forget.. All that I kept thinking was... IS THIS WHAT IT'S LIKE??  Is this what a happy couple and good relationship feels like??  I never want the feeling to end... It's amazing to be so completely comfortable with another person that anything they do even if its annoying or whatever it may be you still LOVE and adore them so much. I have such a desire to make him happy and be all that he needs..  He is such a good man with such a tender heart.. He knows how to communicate with me and knows what I need to hear at certain times and takes the time to really listen and understand what I'm feeling..  I have never had that and it means more then he will ever know...

He is gone now and oh how I miss him!!  I'm at ease in his arms... and now most of my days are spent alone and it's so hard on me having a little piece of heaven and then having it be gone... Home is where your heart is and my heart is with him... so I feel like a part of me is missing and the memories around every corner are haunting at times.. His cup he had on the night stand is still there, the towel he left on the bathroom floor,  the spot on the table is still cleared where he worked, I'm still sleeping in our sheets, the flowers he brought me are now dead in their vase and i can't bring myself to throw them away...  I love him so much...

All the colors seem to fade when you're gone...