Lost without him...

Today I'm feeling all over the place.... I have been trying so hard to be strong and give him space... but I really miss him! Is that bad?...I like to feel like I'm needed but lately he hasn't needed me..
and when we don't talk or see each other I can't help but wonder...
Does he even miss me?... Does he miss seeing my face?...
Does he wonder what I'm doing and if I'm okay?... Is he sick of me?.. Is he trying to distance himself from me?..

I have been trying to keep myself busy... cleaning like crazy and I even went on a shopping spree(retail therapy), went out with friends... but the whole time I'm doing those things I think of him and wish I was with him... I know I proly sound like a pathetic girl.. I feel like one..
It's just he really has turned into my best friend.. He is the person I want to run and tell everything to. Get advice from... laugh with... Cry with.. I guess I just wonder if not seeing/talking to me affects him at all..

I think Im feeling more like this today because I received some emails from someone in my past that answered a lot of questions I have had for a long time and now I can see that what happened back then really shaped the person I am today and is the reason I have been so hard on myself through the years.. and I guess I just wanted to share these letters and self discovery with him and I haven't been able to talk to him.. I'm not even sure if he will understand why I want to share this with him.. but I realized a lot about why I am the way I am.
This probably makes no sense and I feel like I'm rambling now... I just miss him and wish I had someone to talk with about this stuff...

I really feel pathetic... but writing this blog really helps me get out certain feelings I would normally keep inside..

Really missing him...